Is it bedtime yet?

29th Jan 2017

For a while now, ok for a long time now, I have been fighting my Mattress.

I have been losing this fight each night, it’s been giving me Back twinges, it hurts my duff knee and twangs alarmingly every time it is sat or laid on! Just as concerning is that you can be laid quiet still, e.g. reading your Kindle, and TWANG!! and your hip changes position a little.

Being a master at procrastination I have been trying to ignore the bleddy thing for ages, then I did a scary thing last Weekend and worked out my finances, money in savings upcoming family holiday almost paid for (money put aside), both credit cards in the black etc.

My Lovely Wife has intimated (Not as subtly as She maybe had thought) that as I have now turned the offending Mattress round, She won’t be sleeping on it again! (Think 2” Deep Andy shapes trench now on Her side of the bed.) (We live over 200 miles apart so Every night spent in the same room is to be cherished.)

Now that’s an ultimatum that I’m not about to ignore, we only spend 5 weeks together each Year as it is, This Mattress and I had to part company.

Time to bite the bullet and spend some money. Now Julie has a full Memory-foam mattress on Her bed, and superbly comfortable it is too, whilst my nemesis is a Memory-foam topped sprung thing that I have had for about 6 or 7 Years ever since they came into common use. Bought it from a local discount bed shop, maybe not the best choice of retailer but we are very limited around here in retail selections ‘cos nobody with any money lives here all Year round.

Julie (The Boss) can’t remember the make of Her Mattress, the on-line store no longer selling them and the label is underneath it, and being a forgetful dolt I have forgotten to look for it so have had to do a lot of research into Makes and types of these things. Thank you Google! Now I’m totally confused!

The upshot is that if you want a full memory-foam mattress then the large Mattress manufacturers that you’ve known for decades have poor reviews or want well over £1000 for a King size one. Look, I know my cards are in credit but come on I’m NOT paying that kind of money AND waiting two weeks for delivery that they want me to pay extra for. Especially when you realise that some of them tend to re-badge the cheaper ones with their name on anyway.

Well I settled on an EVE Mattress, I kept going back to their site over a period of months and having read the reviews on both Facebook and Amazon was as sure as I could be without being able to try one that’s what I wanted. Amazon sell them cheaper than the Manufacturer but the Guarantee isn’t as good. From EVE you get a 100 Night satisfaction or return policy, they will send 2 people to collect it and you get a full refund, if you keep it then you get a 10 Year Warranty. (Providing they’re still in business of course, sorry it’s the cynic in me surfacing again.)

I wanted an UK King size, 5ft wide (1500x2000mm in Metric) though they above all the suppliers seem to do an exhaustive of not endless range of sizes, they’ll make them up to custom sizes too (though they do apologise for not doing a 2 day delivery on them!.

So after my daily phone call to my Julie (9pm every evening, keeps me sane (almost)), Wednesday evening I went online and ordered one (using a £150 discount code I found on Google) to be delivered Saturday Morning between 07:30 and 13:00. Pay £20.00 for Saturday delivery or take a day off? Bah Humbug the Saturday is cheaper (and quicker)!

Boy was the website customer friendly, even let me pay by PayPal, so less worry about card security at their end then. Sent them an Email comment at 22:10 thanking them for having a customer friendly website and went to bed contented, Got to work the next morning and at 8:29 my phone pinged for an incoming mail, it was a reply to my comment not an ‘acknowledgement’ but a reply typed by a lady in their customer care team, Gosh that’s quick!

I have had a new Duvet waiting in it’s box since Christmas, longer really but picked it up from Eldest Daughter at Christmas (Staff Discount rides again) and a new Mattress protector waiting to be fitted for even longer, so Saturday Morning saw me getting up at 06:30, laying these out flat to expand, stripping the bed and after doing my regular weekly wash load doing another 2 loads of bedding.

The UPS delivery man arrived at about 10:30, I live on a Garden Estate so the last 300 Yards or so to my front door is by foot, this poor guy was stronger than he looks as he didn’t have his own van today so no trolley and had carried the Mattress box all that way! 20”x 20”x 42” and 70.4 lbs is some achievement, the box not being damaged or marked at all. Signed his device, told him to hang on whilst I got my wallet and he said Nah, that’s ok mate and went!

Wishing I lived in a bungalow, I now had to get this box upstairs on my own with a dodgy knee and a staircase that’s narrow and steep. After trying to carry or pull it up, collapsing in a fit of giggles as I couldn’t move it at all that way I decided that it had to be pushed. Now I’m not the fittest of people, have got a dodgy knee and getting on a bit but I regularly move and lift Laundry Equipment weighing up to 300kg on my own using whatever comes to hand so wasn’t about to be defeated by a bleddy mattress!

Laid the box length wise on the stairs and with my shoulder against the lower end pushed it up stairs by way of what can best be described as a crawl. Yup, seemed pretty funny at the time too, was almost expecting one of the Neighbours to call round to ask what all the expletives were about! (Had left the back door open as it was a nice day.)

Sliding it along the carpet to the bed, parked it in a corner of the bedroom and with some difficulty removed the old mattress and put that half in the spare bedroom whilst I continued getting to know the new one.

The box has one fully taped end and one with a security tape and tabs so opened that end and tipped up the box…. Nope. Not an Inch! The Mattress sits there in its Vacuum bag looking at me as is to say ‘You didn’t think it would be that easy did you?’ Tipped the box onto the bed frame (slatted Pine with a raised skirt round) and folding the opening flaps back stood it on the bed slats with the open end down.

Now this mattress likes its box it is a very nice box, strongest cardboard box I’ve seen for Years, but leave it it must! Stood balancing on the bed slats and pulled the box off the mattress slowly , straightened up the light-shade afterwards, and climbing off the bed put the box in the bathroom. (Now in the Spare bedroom awaiting recycling.)

Ooh look thought I, there’s a little booklet on top of the mattress roll, must have been put in the box before the mattress went in! I wonder what it’s about?

Unboxing the Mattress Lay the box down sideways on the surface of your bed. Open both ends of the box and push the mattress through.” Now why didn’t I just open the wrong end of the box first and then I’d have known, wouldn’t I? Rest of it is good though, tells you how to get the mattress the right way up before you cut the vacuum bag off it. These Memory-foam Mattresses take a while to expand from the 2” thick in the bag to their full 9 1/2” depth, Eve say 4 to 6 Hours so I left it for 7!

Made the bed with the new Protector and Duvet, (ok, and the rest of the bed linen) and had to force myself to get off it (Was face down, spread-eagled with a ridiculous grin on my face) and go downstairs so I could ‘phone Julie, lock up then collapse in a heap.

Woke up this Morning (Sunday) to find that I had no achy joints until I got out of bed! Took the old Mattress down to the Recycling facility (Dump) after folding it length-ways using Ratchet straps, and holding it there with Gaffer tape to get it into my Van. The Box from the Mattress and the one from the Duvet will have to wait until Friday when our Kerbside recycling Truck comes round. Meanwhile I look forward to sleeping better, having less pain and above all Julie is now coming to visit me in March as against my visiting Her, so giving us 2 extra days together (1 day each way spent travelling out of my Annual Leave) That alone is worth the £549.00!

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